I never thought that as a 19 year old sophomore in college I would be facing this question almost every time I returned to my home town: When are you getting engaged? It’s not a completely ridiculous question. I have been dating my boyfriend for over three years and we commute between Columbus and Cleveland to have time together throughout the semester, and there are some people who get engaged after a few months to a year of dating, except that’s not us. I felt the urge to write on this topic because I experienced a realization about how this question made me feel. An intelligent, involved and active college student who has goals and dreams being pigeon holed into one area of focus; what my possible marital status is.
I find the question itself, especially when it’s directed at my boyfriend to be embarrassing and intrusive. Frankly, it’s just about as intrusive as a newlywed couple being asked when they’re starting a family. The catch with getting upset about people asking when we’re taking life-changing steps is that we want to know when others are taking those steps too. As to not sound like a hypocrite, I partially blame Cuffing Season, primarily November-February, which is filled with people announcing new relationships, engagements, and pregnancies on social media sites. By being privy to people’s life events at a glance on our phone’s, we’re constantly updated with what is happening in our peers’ and family member’s lives, putting pressure on us to question why we haven’t taken certain steps or why our family members’ haven’t. It’s almost impossible not to be curious about what has occurred in others’ lives, and judge our own, when the information is readily accessible.
I love social media and believe it’s more of an asset than it is an ailment, but it is important to remember that everything is relative. What you should be doing, where you should be going, who you should be with is not defined by Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. It’s human nature to be curious about what others are doing, especially when it impacts our own lives in some ways, but it does not have to define how we view our own progress.
As a result, I won’t lash out at anyone who questions the future of my relationship but rather, understand that most of the time they are asking out of love (especially if they’re family) and acknowledge that I honestly don’t know when or what is going to happen; and that is completely ok. Since I love to talk about what I’m doing in my classes, PRSSA, and STEP it is just as easy to shift the conversation to focus on the future of my career and interests. Whether on social media or in a social setting, “Don’t let people tell you who you are, you tell them.”
Thank you for reading, I welcome comments and questions.
I find the question itself, especially when it’s directed at my boyfriend to be embarrassing and intrusive. Frankly, it’s just about as intrusive as a newlywed couple being asked when they’re starting a family. The catch with getting upset about people asking when we’re taking life-changing steps is that we want to know when others are taking those steps too. As to not sound like a hypocrite, I partially blame Cuffing Season, primarily November-February, which is filled with people announcing new relationships, engagements, and pregnancies on social media sites. By being privy to people’s life events at a glance on our phone’s, we’re constantly updated with what is happening in our peers’ and family member’s lives, putting pressure on us to question why we haven’t taken certain steps or why our family members’ haven’t. It’s almost impossible not to be curious about what has occurred in others’ lives, and judge our own, when the information is readily accessible.
I love social media and believe it’s more of an asset than it is an ailment, but it is important to remember that everything is relative. What you should be doing, where you should be going, who you should be with is not defined by Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. It’s human nature to be curious about what others are doing, especially when it impacts our own lives in some ways, but it does not have to define how we view our own progress.
As a result, I won’t lash out at anyone who questions the future of my relationship but rather, understand that most of the time they are asking out of love (especially if they’re family) and acknowledge that I honestly don’t know when or what is going to happen; and that is completely ok. Since I love to talk about what I’m doing in my classes, PRSSA, and STEP it is just as easy to shift the conversation to focus on the future of my career and interests. Whether on social media or in a social setting, “Don’t let people tell you who you are, you tell them.”
Thank you for reading, I welcome comments and questions.