I'll start this off by explaining why this title includes the statement "an almost 90 year old". My grandma Mac, who lives in an in-law suite built onto our house, is exactly 89 years old and is of the opinion that she does not want to be referred to as being 90 because that means "she's getting old". As you can tell from that idea, she's zany and a total riot with more perseverance than any older person I know. She cooks, cleans, works in the garden and listens to literature on CD, all on her own. While she does have eyesight problems, forcing her to allow for some brief help from us taking her to the store or wherever she wants to adventure to, she hasn't let it stop her from having the feisty attitude needed to start debates with us.
As is not uncommon, a political discussion got started that ultimately turned into a discussion on feminism; Obama's support for paid maternity leave and how women's roles in the scope of business have changed over the many years. Somehow we drifted into the scope of relationships, marriages to be exact, and she brought up how independent people are from one another in their own marriages these days. "Your own mom and dad, they have their own things going on! It's not like your mom is home keeping the pot roast warm until he gets there", that point is quite humorous as my dad travels frequently for work and as I pointed out to my grandma, she'd have a heck of a time keeping it warm while he's traveling! Regardless, it's true, people are very independent in their relationships these days. My own boyfriend and I don't live in the same city for 9 months out of the year which all too soon may be all year round if I stay in Columbus next year and he in the Cleveland area. We have our own friends, jobs, hobbies and habits. It's even a little surreal to think about the fact that we pass in between our two separate worlds- he's in my territory when in Columbus, and I am in his when I'm in Twinsburg. Even though my family still lives in Twinsburg, none of my friends have migrated back for the entire summer, which has left me to focus on work and all of my side projects. As a result of our multi-city relationship, it's never easy to transition between the two but we care so we make it happen. I have been blessed to be in a relationship with someone who is my best friend, who I have grown with as a person, emotionally and mentally, and who has his own ambition to make a life. Even so, a longterm relationship could always use a refresher on healthy practices, which is exactly what Grandma Mac decided to throw out at me:
1. Respect each other: sometimes respect really is the glue that holds everything. Respect for each others ideas, passions, space and needs is always necessary. Brushing off their dreams or desires is not going to take the relationship anywhere positive.
2. If they've had a bad day, take a lap. In other words, choose your timing wisely because it is so easy for miscommunication to occur when one person is already not in the mood to be talked to. Timing affects not only perception but ultimately how the other person responds. As my media professor told us earlier this year: it's not the question that you're asking that matters, it's HOW you are asking it.
3. Sometimes you're going to do things you don't want to, but you do it because you care about your S.O. No one loves every single activity, event or movie their partner is interested in. But if it matters to them, if it is something that makes the difference in their life that you participate in, then be there. Making small sacrifices can make all the difference when it comes to relationships but can sometimes be the hardest because we don't feel like they matter. Newsflash: they do.
As a person who is inherently flawed, in so many ways, I appreciate this reminder that it's not all about me. It's not all about him either. It's a precarious balance between who we are as individuals, who we are as a couple, and who it is that we want to be. It's all too easy going to our 20's to be focused solely on ourselves and what it is that we want. But frankly, if they are the person you miss, the person you talk to daily, the person you want to experience life with, then it's already not all about you. Moments can be, yes, but the love that comes from a real place is not created from one person looking at their own image. It's a teammate who is there going through it with you. Luckily, the people in my life force me to look at who I am and reflect on whether or not I'm putting out positivity into the world. The hardest lesson, and the biggest one for me, is the wisdom to know when to wear my attitude on my sleeve and when to approach with softness.
As is not uncommon, a political discussion got started that ultimately turned into a discussion on feminism; Obama's support for paid maternity leave and how women's roles in the scope of business have changed over the many years. Somehow we drifted into the scope of relationships, marriages to be exact, and she brought up how independent people are from one another in their own marriages these days. "Your own mom and dad, they have their own things going on! It's not like your mom is home keeping the pot roast warm until he gets there", that point is quite humorous as my dad travels frequently for work and as I pointed out to my grandma, she'd have a heck of a time keeping it warm while he's traveling! Regardless, it's true, people are very independent in their relationships these days. My own boyfriend and I don't live in the same city for 9 months out of the year which all too soon may be all year round if I stay in Columbus next year and he in the Cleveland area. We have our own friends, jobs, hobbies and habits. It's even a little surreal to think about the fact that we pass in between our two separate worlds- he's in my territory when in Columbus, and I am in his when I'm in Twinsburg. Even though my family still lives in Twinsburg, none of my friends have migrated back for the entire summer, which has left me to focus on work and all of my side projects. As a result of our multi-city relationship, it's never easy to transition between the two but we care so we make it happen. I have been blessed to be in a relationship with someone who is my best friend, who I have grown with as a person, emotionally and mentally, and who has his own ambition to make a life. Even so, a longterm relationship could always use a refresher on healthy practices, which is exactly what Grandma Mac decided to throw out at me:
1. Respect each other: sometimes respect really is the glue that holds everything. Respect for each others ideas, passions, space and needs is always necessary. Brushing off their dreams or desires is not going to take the relationship anywhere positive.
2. If they've had a bad day, take a lap. In other words, choose your timing wisely because it is so easy for miscommunication to occur when one person is already not in the mood to be talked to. Timing affects not only perception but ultimately how the other person responds. As my media professor told us earlier this year: it's not the question that you're asking that matters, it's HOW you are asking it.
3. Sometimes you're going to do things you don't want to, but you do it because you care about your S.O. No one loves every single activity, event or movie their partner is interested in. But if it matters to them, if it is something that makes the difference in their life that you participate in, then be there. Making small sacrifices can make all the difference when it comes to relationships but can sometimes be the hardest because we don't feel like they matter. Newsflash: they do.
As a person who is inherently flawed, in so many ways, I appreciate this reminder that it's not all about me. It's not all about him either. It's a precarious balance between who we are as individuals, who we are as a couple, and who it is that we want to be. It's all too easy going to our 20's to be focused solely on ourselves and what it is that we want. But frankly, if they are the person you miss, the person you talk to daily, the person you want to experience life with, then it's already not all about you. Moments can be, yes, but the love that comes from a real place is not created from one person looking at their own image. It's a teammate who is there going through it with you. Luckily, the people in my life force me to look at who I am and reflect on whether or not I'm putting out positivity into the world. The hardest lesson, and the biggest one for me, is the wisdom to know when to wear my attitude on my sleeve and when to approach with softness.